How to Have Self Confidence
So you want to know how to have self confidence? Great, you are in the right place. This website is devoted to people who are sick of being overlooked (whether it be for relationships, jobs, promotions etc.) or taken advantage of (because others know you won’t stand up for yourself) or even those who feel like they can’t put their best foot forward because they are not even sure if they have a ‘best foot’!
I know what you are going through and on this page I will tell you some of my story. In this story you might recognize some of yourself. At the end of this story I give you the ultimate solution to getting past lack of confidence and the answer to how to have self confidence. You can skip past my story if you want (my feelings may get hurt 😉 ) and scroll down to the solution.
From what my parents tell me and from what I have seen in photos I was a very watchful baby. I would sit and study people and things rather than trying to go and interact with them in the first instance. So my first instinct has always been to step back, not forward. To watch and not to act. Growing up as a kid I would only ever really be loud around my family and closest friends. I hated being at pre-school and took a long time to settle in. You can imagine how I felt about going to school when I was five! Not a happy camper! It was not in my nature to go up and make friends and I was reliant on others coming up to me and being friendly. It’s funny the things they teach you in school and yet how to have self confidence is not one of them.
Fast forward through my childhood and I had enjoyed playing football and music. But even in football I gravitated towards goalkeeper which is arguably the loneliest position in a team. In music I found a way to express myself. My biggest accomplishment in that sense was when I was 10 and I sang solo and unaccompanied in a Nativity play. I was extremely nervous but I did it! And I was actually quite good and got warm applause. This is a moment I cherish as it is one of only a few times growing up when I was able to cast aside the inherently shy and low confidence nature I had and shine as a result. I reflected on these moments at the turning point in my life as a key in learning how to have self confidence. I will come to this in a moment.
The first three years of secondary school (ages 13-15) were tough. I have to say I went to a school which was very well run at the time and no bullying of any nature was tolerated. And so whereas at another school I might have been bullied for being quiet and reserved, here I was not. But what I was, was alone. I could not make friends properly so I spent every school lunch hour wandering around the school watching others having fun. I don’t know if I was desperately unhappy at the time but I was lonely and I did want to be a part of something. But I did not think anyone wanted to spend time with me. My self confidence was very low and once again there were no lessons on how to have self confidence.
It was in the middle of my third year at secondary school (age 15) when some of the guys in my form class were talking about playing football at lunch time. I happened to be listening at the time and completely out of character I said to them “Do you mind if I play too?”. Heart in my mouth I looked up at one of them for a reply which was “I thought you were never going to ask! “ Those two and a half years I could have said something but I didn’t. When I finally did I was welcomed with open arms. If only I had known how to have self confidence. I made some friends that day and the rest of my time at secondary school was much happier as a result. Don’t get me wrong – I was still a really shy kid and I had massive acne issues which dented my self confidence even further. But I had some friends finally and that made a big difference. I lost track of those guys when I left school – because I was not confident enough or socially clued up enough to maintain contact – but I still reflect on those days in the schoolyard. Eddie, Dion, and the rest of the guys, wherever you are you made a difference to my life at that time and I am grateful.
The thoughts that changed everything
So let’s jump forward to my second year in University. Year 1 had once again been spent alone. Why? Same problem. I did not know how to have self confidence and nobody was showing me so I was outcast once more. It was the beginning of Year 2 and I was sitting in a lecture theater with about 300 people in it. And then I had a series of thoughts that were to change my life. They went like this:
1) Nobody in this room knows who I am. Nobody in this room knows that I am a shy loner who has no self confidence and is afraid to talk to them.
2) I remember back to that play when I was 10. I was acting as if I was someone else. Someone confident. I sang in front of a crowd and people respected me for it.
3) What if I were to start acting here and now in this lecture theater? What if I were to act like a confident guy who does not tremble when he talks to girls? What if I were to act like someone who feels good about themselves? An extrovert. What would happen?
I reflected on these thoughts for the rest of that day and all of that night. I decided I would do it. I would act like someone else and see what happened. The next day I calmed myself down, I looked myself in the eye in a mirror and imagined a new personality, a more confident one, one who knew how to have self confidence. And then I strode into the lecture theater, sat down and I just started chatting to a girl sitting next to me. Part of me was shaking inside but I was not paying attention to that character. And you know what happened? She started chatting back and before you knew it I had another friend. I was so excited! I did this again, day after day and it was a battle at times. I was fighting myself. And sometimes I got shot down and that hurt. But the rewards of interacting with others and acting confident were huge. After some time it felt less like and act and more like me. My life changed direction in that lecture theater.
An example of what can happen
Six months later my sister came home upset. She wanted to go to her school ball and she wanted her friend to come along but nobody had offered to take her friend and she was not prepared to go alone. To the amazement of everybody in my family I offered to take this girl to the ball, a girl I had never met. It happened one fateful day in 1997, we had a great time and five years later I married that same girl and we have two beautiful daughters together!
I might have made the acting confident thing sound easy. It wasn’t. I had no one to show me what to do. I had no experts to coach me how on to think, how to act, how to have self confidence. But I persevered and the rewards were enormous. If you were to meet me today you will still find me a little stand offish, still wanting to watch and assess. But you would also find me quite likely to crack a joke, have you laugh and then I would get into the swing of making friends. And I am sure that if I was to have you as a friend, that would be a great reward for acting confident.
So that is my story, the part that relates to you in any case. Hopefully you learned that if you want to gain self confidence you must make mental shifts. You must start having new thoughts and acting in a different way. When you do, and you are rewarded then you will do it again. And again. Eventually, it will feel more natural and less like acting. Unlike me though, you do not have to work this out alone. In fact, I have found a shortcut for you that will allow you to change your thought patterns. Read on…
How to Have Self Confidence
You know how it is when you come across something and you think “Gee, I wish I had access to this 5 years ago!” Well I have had this feeling about a month ago (at time of writing) when I found an online program called “Extrovert Me!”. The creators have studied the thought patterns and language patterns of confident and extroverted people through the process of NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming). They have then taken these techniques and recorded them all for you to listen to and learn from. It is like having your own expert coach on how to have self confidence. The coach I never had and wished for on so many occasions.
You do not have to take the hard and lonely road that I did. You can have all the secrets of confident and extroverted people at your fingertips which will fast track your progress to a confident and attractive person. The best thing is that you can get access for less than the cost of a movie and dinner that your new confident you will have, certainly much less than a job promotion you may attract will give you. Results are guaranteed as well, all your money back if you are not super happy with the effect on you.
So don’t waste any more time being shy and introverted. Take the action (as I did all those years ago) that will set your life on a new, more fulfilling path. Get on the fast track and learn how to have self confidence by checking out Extrovert Me! via the link below.